I would like to tell you what turned me around this
year was positive and uplifting and spiritually. It wasn't. I think
it was FEAR fear of going back to what I was.........
told you a bit about my life and what I was like a 396 pounds but I
think I skipped all the gory stuff. Do you want to hear what life
was really like? People come to me because I never hold back and I
am very open and honest. I decided long ago when I took my struggle
public that if I was going to succeed and help myself and other I
had to be honest.
There wasn't a day I
didn't cry, either because of an insult, or the pain in my heels or
hip. I was horrible and short temper and don't even mention DIET!
I am really surprised that Free stood by me. My in-laws (a little
different to begin with) every time we had a social gather would
push metabolife, PHen PHen something. Naturally I was insulted. I
was a nurse I knew how to eat how dare them!!!! Then I would go the
the bathroom and break another toilet seat, have trouble wiping
myself, and forget using tampons UGH REALITY why is it so cruel. Why
did people point at me in markets and tell their children not to eat
junk food or they would look like me. Why did a student come up to
me and ask me if I was pregnant with triplets. Why was I so SHORT!
do fine all day, I didn't eat anything. Then I would come home and
from 5PM on eat everything. Steak, rolls (real butter), (2) baked
potato, sour cream, cheese, salad with real ranch dressing, ice
cream. Then when people were asleep at night I would get up and eat
cookies, and peanut butter sandwiches (4 or 5). Then sleep until
noon. And do it again.
FALL FROM POOL LADDER
I guess I was pushed.
Does God do that? I remember falling it was like slow motion, I was
falling so slow I had time to pray and think about an 7 year old
that would feel helpless with his Mother on the ground. I hit hard
and my back went out. I really thought I broke a hip. I called for
my 7 years old and he came, but what could he do?! He brought me
water and the phone. But I didn't call anyone, I was way to
embarrassed! He sat on the ground next to me holding me and crying
(I cry now thinking about it). After about an hour I managed
to pull myself to my feet. I wet my pants, I was in shock! I managed
to get to the couch where I sat another 4 hours hoping I would
improve. Soon Free arrived home, I told him we needed to get to
emergency. He dressed me like a baby (really embarrassed now)
At the hospital I
was given a wheel chair (my hips hardly fit in) actually they
didn't, it hurt even more. I went to the check in nurse. Blood
Pressure 210/126. When I walked to her she asked me if I always
walked like that! WHAT!? I was hobbling because of the fall. WHAT
DID SHE MEAN!? I couldn't walk because I was FAT! Then a snippy
little nurse 1/2 my age gave me one of those cover gowns, that would
(If I was lucky cover one boob). And wanted me to parade past 30
people to X-ray. First of all I could get undressed and second of
all no way in HELL! I was wearing elastic pants so a kind X-ray tech
said ignore her. WOW finally a kind person that saw a HUMAN in pain
not a fat lady.
Well I survived it!
The humiliation, the fear on my sons face, God spared me one more
Like I said, this
was my birthday. Next year I was going to celebrate! Next year I
weighed 247 instead of 396.